The Many Faces Of Josh Millard

There's something both gratifying and worrisome about maintaining a high Google profile without actually doing any work. I've managed to hold onto the top result for "josh millard" for a pretty good stretch of years now, with a couple exceptions, mostly by bothering to, y'know, have a website.

For a while, after Google tweaked their PageRank algorithms months back, the top hit was an old Word document that my Worcester open-mic folk mentor Patty Keough had posted to the website. It had a picture of me and a caption with my name; not prime real estate, but at least it was me.

Worse: for a couple of weeks some suicidal crew jock was camping the top spot. Memory fades, though; as of now he's creeping down the list of hits, clocking fourth place after my fugly main website, the music section of same, and some anemic audioscrobbler stats on a few songs I uploaded last year to the abortive Metafilter Music project.

I'm competing for space with what I like to think of as the Foo Joshes, including:

• Amazon Reviewer Josh, who is apparently [jmillard@ccu.edu] associated (student? faculty? janitor?) with Colorado Christian University, and who is a terrible, terrible writer.
• Wrasslin' Josh, a former NCAA wrestler and now, good for him, an assistant coach for Elizabethtown College in PA. This bastard has littered Google with wrestling results for years now. I'm battling the fucking sports section.
• Track and Field Josh, who in all fairness can probably jump higher and run faster than me.
• Guy With Whom Some Other Guy Named Josh Slater Hung Out This One Time Josh -- you'll have to scroll down for this one...
• Magnificent-School-Blazer-Wearin' Josh (New South Wales Parliment Football Rules!)
• Guitar Recital Josh, who might also be a wrestler or a runner for all I know...
• Grammatical Ambiguity Makes It Impossible to Know if He is the Groom's Brother Josh, see above.
• And of course the above-mentioned Suicidal Josh.

Make a body feel lucky just to be part of such a crowd. So long as they keep their goddam mits off my search results, anyway. Looking at you, here, Lock Haven.